god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
