i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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