dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
