There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
