Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
