I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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