so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
