Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
