I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
