You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
