Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize