Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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