Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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