no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
