Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
