Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
