I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
