hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
