Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
