In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
