I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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