My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
