It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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