I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
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What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
try to milk me bitch
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