ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
COCAINE IS GR8
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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