What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
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You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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