Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
