just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
