As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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