All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
