cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
