hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
