i need an iv and a liver transplant
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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