we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
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There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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