He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
