If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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