All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
