When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
