Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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