I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
