it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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