I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
