Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
