I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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