im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
