My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize