i just wanna soil my oats bro
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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