Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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