I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
