whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
