Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
