Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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