I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
