My friends, they love my intelligence
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
