I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We got so high we made milksteak
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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