Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
