lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you would pick up someone in the library
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
