3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
