the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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