I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
