my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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