Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
