i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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