You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
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Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
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I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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