He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
