I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
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