Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
