I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
3pm strippers are depressing
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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