hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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