My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
