I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.