K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Will exercising make me less horny?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
