I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.