I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season