Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.