I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?