Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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